Written By Jason Shields
“By stepping out of your comfort zone, you expand your comfort zone.” David Feder. In order to expand your comfort zone, you must be willing to step out of it. As a man with mild cerebral palsy and Asperger's syndrome, I face fear every day - big fears, small fears, unusual fears. However, I have learned to live with it and embrace fear as a lifelong friend who causes me to “get moving”. Fear of any kind can be reduced to a single belief system. This belief system is as follows: I believe that I will not be able to handle this particular situation. Fear is merely a symptom of the belief that you will not be able to withstand an event: the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, an illness, poverty, etc. So, in simpler terms fear means “I can't handle this!”
Being the stubborn man that I am, I refuse to allow fear to dictate my life. It used to paralyze me as a child and regularly as a teenager. As I have grown throughout the years, I have realized that too often, we allow fear to dictate our lives without really asking ourselves the importance of why we fear certain things, people and events. Instead, we just continue along, avoiding fear in every possible way through distraction, food, alcohol, drugs, etc. Nonetheless, if we summon the courage within to ask why are we afraid, then we soon realize that the answer to absolving fear inevitably follows.
What is this Divine Truth? You conquer fear everyday of your life. You see, being brave does not mean you're not afraid, it means that you face the thing that you are afraid of. Whether you realize this or not, you do this everyday. There was a time when you did not know how to drive a vehicle. The first time you found yourself behind the wheel with your instructor was probably nerve racking. However, the more you learned how the car operated and the more you drove, the less anxious you became and now, driving for you is probably second nature. There was a point in my life where I was terrified of water and drowning. I took swim lessons as a child, but never learned fully how to swim/float in deep water. Having cerebral palsy made it more difficult to relax in the water. Three years ago, Jon and I decided to exercise in the pool at the local YMCA. Hanging along the walls were floatation belts of various sizes and colors and Jon urged me to put one on and go out into the deep water. The sheer thought of not being able to feel the ground beneath my feet made my heart sink into my stomach. Nonetheless, I put the belt on and begrudgingly inched my way out to the middle of the pool where the floor dropped off all the while strongly hanging to the side of the pool. Then Jon ordered me to “let go”. He assured me that he would be right there to catch me in case the floatation device malfunctioned and of course, it did not.
The moment I “let go” a new reality emerged and my eyes opened to a whole new realm of life where I was floating peacefully in a situation that used to hold immense fear in my mind. I was giddy; laughing like a little kid as I swam from one end of the pool to the other. Soon, I was swimming 3-4 times a week freestyle with the floatation device. Fast forward to a year ago. I had not been swimming as regularly as I should have for the past couple of years and once again decided to include it in my cardiovascular training. Again, I donned the big bright blue floatation belt and proceeded to continue my laps until one day, one of the lifeguards, Keith, proposed that I switch to a lighter 3 pad Styrofoam belt. It was less bulky and would allow me to swim more fluidly through the water. Again, fear overwhelmed me. Keith assured me that it would hold me up in the water, but I had to remember to relax and “swim” just like I had with the bulkier belt. Well, I took the chance in the midst of feeling afraid and did it! As expected, I had to kick harder and work harder to stay afloat but eventually, I relaxed and again, a new reality set in. My mind and my body learned to adapt to the new belt.
A couple of months went by until one day, I was just finishing one of my laps when I saw Keith drop a two-padded Styrofoam belt onto the floor next to my water bottle. The time had come once again for me to lose a pad and adjust to swimming with a lighter floatation belt. As can be expected, fear reared its ugly head and I had to face it. Keith assured me that I would not drown and he walked along the side of the lane as I boldly launched forth into the unknown territory. To my surprise, it did not frighten me as much this time around. Sure, I had to kick stronger but most importantly, I learned to relax even more, allowing my body and the floatation device to work in harmony. Currently, Keith has informed me that the time is coming soon that I will be wearing the 1-pad belt because I have adapted. I do eventually see myself completely “belt-free” in the future and will keep you apprised.
The whole point of my story is that the strength of your fear has no bearing on your ability to face it head-on. Whether you realize it or not, sooner or later, you will have to confront and deal with all of your fears. The key is being aware of why you are afraid in the first place. Using my example, my belief rooted in fear was: I believe that I cannot handle being able to swim and I will drown. Instead of waiting for that fear to overcome me and paralyze me in the event of being around water, I embraced it and took action. I learned all I could about swimming and the various ways to float. I sought instruction from a well-educated lifeguard and instructor and took action.
Fear, like any emotion, is an energy which is bi-directional. It can flow positively moving you towards expansion and spiritual growth, or it can flow negatively, moving you away from and constricting your life force until you feel powerless to do nothing. Fear will always be a part of our lives but it does not have to be seen or perceived as “negative” or “evil”. Fear is the human nature's way of allowing us to use our energy to adapt to new circumstances and learn and grow. This is one of the main reasons why literally force myself to do new and novel activities that present new challenges in my life. I strive to do this each week which is one of the reasons why I choose to go on live radio for two hours each Wednesday. It forces me to step out of my comfort zone and into a new realm where I have no choice but to feel the fear and take action anyway.
To sum up, let us look at the two solutions in dealing with fear of any kind. First, educate yourself on the very thing or situation that you are afraid of and simply reduce it to the equation: I fear X because I really believe that if it happens, I will not be able to handle it. The more you familiarize yourself with a topic the better prepared you will feel and whence, less anxiety will be present. Take the following fear which is present in most of us: public speaking. The equation would be: I fear public speaking because in reality, I fear that I will not be able to handle speaking in front of an audience and facing ridicule, etc. The fear is not public speaking, it is the belief that you will not be able to handle the possible ridicule and critiques of individuals in the audience. If you continue to break this down, you will find that each time you force yourself to “handle it” and take action in spite of your fear, the fear soon departs. You may for instance, walk up on stage for the first time shaking nervously, with a little stutter or crack in your voice, but you are handling it! You are taking action and doing the very thing you are afraid of. This brings us to our second solution: action. Taking action by putting yourself in those situations which challenge your fears allow you to face them and they soon begin to erode.
As a public speaker, I still get nervous every now and again before going on stage, talking on the radio or doing a television interview. The fear, however, quickly subsides and again a brand new reality presents itself allowing me to see this beautiful world in a whole new light. Just the mere thought of going live on the radio every week terrified me. I adapted though and now it is “second nature”. Friend, you just have to be willing to take that first step out of the comfort zone you have been accustomed to and the moment you do, you will find that you have expanded your being and growth ensues. You will soon realize that your “comfort zone” was not all that comfortable because you always had certain fears that were hiding beyond its walls. I leave you with these words: Educate and Initiate. Educate yourself and initiate action and you will find that your life is ripe with new experiences to explore.
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" - Neale Donald Walsh
Namaste!
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